Something's going on.
Let's find the words for it.
An interactive guide to noticing what you're feeling, getting curious about what might be underneath it, and finding words to communicate your experience.
This tool is for reflection and psychoeducation. It isn't a diagnostic or crisis-assessment tool, and there isn't one correct interpretation of an emotion.
01 — NOTICE
What's showing up today?
Choose as many as feel relevant. They don't have to make perfect sense together.
THAT'S OKAY. START SOMEWHERE ELSE.
What are you noticing instead?
Sometimes the body or our behaviour speaks before we have words for the emotion.
A PLACE TO BEGIN
02 — GET CURIOUS
What feels closest?
Emotions aren't equations. We're not trying to find the “correct” explanation — just possibilities worth noticing.
a few different feelings
What seems connected to what you're feeling?
AND RIGHT NOW...
How intense does this feel?
ONE IMPORTANT CHECK-IN
Do you feel able to keep yourself safe right now?
Strong feelings aren't automatically dangerous. This is simply here so that, if you do need more support, this little tool doesn't pretend to be enough.
PLEASE PRIORITISE YOUR SAFETY
You don't need to keep working through this translator right now.
This tool can't provide crisis support. If you feel you may harm yourself, or you don't feel able to keep yourself safe, please reach out for urgent human support now.
If you can, consider being with someone you trust while you seek support rather than managing this alone.
03 — UNDERSTAND
What might you be needing?
A need isn't an instruction for somebody else. Think of this as asking what might help you feel more supported, secure, connected or grounded.
A USEFUL DISTINCTION
A need isn't quite the same as a strategy.
“I need you to stop seeing your friends.”
“I think I'm needing reassurance and more connection.”
You can still make a request. Finding the underlying need simply helps the other person understand what the request means to you.
YOU MAY NOT NEED TO HOLD THIS ALONE
This sounds like it may be taking quite a lot out of you.
If feelings like these are intense, persistent, difficult to manage, or keep affecting your relationships or everyday life, it may be useful to talk them through with a therapist, your GP, or another appropriate professional.
Explore therapy at ReConnect →04 — GIVE IT CONTEXT
What happened?
Keep it concrete if you can. Describe what happened rather than trying to prove why the other person did it.
TRY OBSERVATION BEFORE INTERPRETATION
“You obviously don't care about my time.”
“When our plans changed without us talking about it…”
Your interpretation may make complete sense. Starting with what happened simply gives the conversation somewhere less defensive to begin.
Who are you communicating with?
05 — TRANSLATE
Here's one way to put it into words.
This isn't a perfect script. Change anything that doesn't sound like you.
YOUR TRANSLATION
WHAT JUST HAPPENED?
We moved through four different pieces.
Something happened.
I noticed how it affected me.
I got curious about what I needed.
I invited conversation rather than demanding an outcome.
DOESN'T QUITE SOUND LIKE YOU?
Try a different version.
THE RELATIONAL BIT
Communicating your experience isn't the same as deciding someone else's intention.
Compare:
“You made me feel completely unimportant.”with
“When that happened, I noticed I felt really unimportant.”
The second doesn't make the impact smaller. It leaves room for your experience to be heard without requiring you to know exactly what was happening inside the other person.
You don't have to fix every feeling.